Sunday, 1 September 2013

Life Goals Etc

Sometimes all you want is to curl up in the fetal position and watch made for TV rom-coms on Netflix with the possible addition of Dairy Milk Mint Crisp. Or sometimes you drink an obscene amount of whiskey. Or both, if you're me. Then you have to sternly tell yourself off for being a twat and decide to do something with your life. Staging a self-intervention involves realising you are being a tad self-destructive and doing something about it.  This is the point wherein I start making life goals...

Later ones got added, for example "get into second year of college," "buy a fucking camera" and "take skating seriously." The great thing about life goals is that they come from a place of great negativity, rock bottom if you will. The type of mindset where you would buy self-help books (or trawl through Lifehacker obsessively). Where you watch several Youtube famous people talking about positivity and shizz, without being a cynical c*nt like you normally are. Being a self-deprecating brat who says nasty things with a smile on my face is kind of my thing, but sometimes you have to shake yourself out of your usual mindset, if only because it starts coming out through social media...
Yes, relationships, money, health, education etc have all been a little topsy-turvy lately, but reenacting my days as an MCR lovin', dark eyeliner wearing gal is not the best way forward. Neither is drowning my sorrows, as whiskey does not a problem solve. So this is where my life goals came into play, and here's an insight into how they've gone.

The ones I've achieved...
  1. Make this the last first month you're (not) in overdraft. I have a serious problem with money. It doesn't matter how much I have, I end up in debt every month, and I've been brushing it off for the past year as a funny part of my hot mess act. Originally I resolved to make August the last month of the saga that is Grace's Bank Account is in the Red, then I decided to fuck and just not go into overdraft. By the time I got paid I had 14c in my bank account. It might not seem like something to be proud of, but I am. Very.
  2. Find a job that doesn't make me feel physically ill. I was working in a very well paid job as a sales advisor in a call centre for a prominent TV company. A lot of dollah dollah, but memorising Premier League fixtures and struggling to hit sales targets was destroying my well-being. I had justified it before that I was working to fund the rest of my life, but it was becoming my entire life because it made me so miserable. So I left, took a sizeable pay cut (partly due to a cut in hours), and now make sandwiches and run around Dublin delivering them. It's not my life's calling, but it is money and there is way less pressure. 
The ones I've kind of achieved...
  1. Get into second year. Academics was really easy for me when I was younger, so I never had to lift a finger. This is SUCH A CURSE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STUDY. So that combined with not actually going to one of my exams meant I had to do repeats. I think I managed to do enough. Hopefully. Oh the anxiety.
  2. Take skating seriously. Master dem t-stops. It's my second time doing freshmeats for roller derby, and I love it so much, but I'm not applying myself properly because I don't seem to apply myself to anything. So I've just bought myself a few new sets of wheels so I can skate around the streets outside of training. 
  3. Don't stop learning. Lifehacker strikes again.
  4. Buy a fucking camera. Not only did I not go into overdraft, but I have a sizeable chunk of money set aside now. Enough to buy a camera and have some left over. Which means I'm reluctant to let it go, especially because I could just be going through my photography phase that every girl goes through (bonus points if you get that Lost in Translation reference).
The vague ones that involve more of a life overhaul that taking up different habits...
  1. Be more creative. I have vague ideas about having a career in the arts. But reblogging things on Tumblr isn't what being creative is. Going back to being a cynical c*nt, I used to be a lot more creative. I was in devised plays, I wrote stories, I did things. Let's be honest, most of it was probably bollocks. But I was making art. At some point, due to overexposure to pretentious artistic forms, I got into the mindset that everyone should stop making art that wasn't "valid". So I stopped making anything. Which is stupid, because the only way you can make something great is to make so much mediocre stuff until you bring out a gem.
  2. Get rid of toxic people/stop being a toxic person. *Cliche alert.* Life is too short to put up with negativity and people who make you unhappy. Similarly, I have a habit of being a brat and a fierce temper and bitching incessantly. 'Nuff of that.

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